The year 2020 was a tough year for the entire Globe because of this never-ending pandemic, but an even tougher one for me. 2020 was the year when I was turning 30, a beautiful age with an important milestone in my so organized life-planning chart. It was the year to have the first baby. My career was in the right direction, after moving so many times in different cities of Europe, my husband and I were finally not living with a housemate, things were looking nicely settled. My wish was to embark in this spiritual trip to Bali, Indonesia before turning 30 and then come back and have the baby. Little did we know what surprise 2020 was preparing for the human-kind.
My day-to-day life before 2020 was really dynamic. I was travelling for work almost weekly, having friends over every other weekend, going for city breaks in Europe 4-5 times a year and organizing bigger trips to other continents once or twice a year. And in between, I was always visiting our families in Romania. I wasn’t in one place more than 7 days in a row, and I rarely spent a day alone. My colleagues at work were also my friends, and with the project team-members, I managed to form open and close relationships.
When 2020 started, my trip to Bali, Indonesia was more than I could ever expect. It was a spiritual journey that changed me completely. I was exposed to incredible life revelations, with clear visions on how my future would unfold, and I was excited for the new me to reveal herself.
The last party I had was the celebration of my 30th birthday which was exquisite, with my beloved family, and close friends who had travelled from afar to be with me… it was just dreamy. I was so grateful to have had such a perfect way to enter into this new age of maturity.
Then…the real life started to happen. The pandemic hit the Globe with the most unexpected dark scenario for Europe. Everything closed down, including my home-office, all flights were cancelled, no more social activity, no more physical meetings, no more travelling, and no more life as we knew it. All the work we did moved online and soon, there was only a digital existence for all. I, myself, being a perfectionist and ‘the glue to my team’ as they referred to me, gave up more than 130% to my job, doing both the project management tasks, but also all the hand-holding and caring for the team-members, to keep everyone sane. I ended up working 12+ hours a day, and on the weekends, as much as possible. It then happened to find out the good news of the year – I was pregnant, yeey – in line with my life planning. It was the news that kept me afloat and made me get out of the bed every day. I could not go home to share it with my family and there was nothing else to do, but to just focus on my job. It was the most wonderful thing that happened to me. Both my husband and myself were thrilled and the day we first saw and heard the heartbeat on the monitor was a day to remember.
Planning for a life with a newborn even from the first trimester is a complete joy. Seeing yourself as a mom, watching your bump grow, and paying more attention to everything around you…food, sport, activities, etc…it’s beautiful, in the same time, as more work. Three months in the pregnancy, with the same 12+ hours a day of work, a lot of exhaustion from work, too much stress in the day-to-day life because of being locked in with no way to see friends or go home, we had our 3 months scan. I would have prepared better if I only knew that day would have been the worst day of my life, at least at that point in time. Very formal and with any lack of empathy, the midwife said ‘There is no heartbeat anymore, someone will reach out to you later today. You can leave’. And so, we did… completely under shock and with no support, alone in a foreign country, far from people we love. It was devastating, but we had each other and supported each other and chose to move on.
With the proper help, a strict sport schedule, a skilled nutritionist, daily yoga and meditation, we went past this tragic moment and found the will to move on. Life continued as before, still online work, still no travelling, still no encounters, but at least we kept busy.
It was during this period, after I used so many healing techniques to heal myself and my husband, that I reconnected with the joy of offering Reiki therapy to the close ones around me. It became part of me and I held it close to my heart. In the same time, I knew I needed to complement the energy work with light, sound and colors, therefore I started learning about the different sound instruments. I followed different trainings in the line of Pranic healing and sound healing. It was quite a journey. I was becoming more and more aware of my own talent, the way I was connecting with my clients, during and after the sessions. It was magical.
Before Christmas and after many cleansing and releasing meditation sessions, Kundalini classes, yoni yoga and Reiki self-healing, my womb responded to me, I found out I was pregnant again. It was a miracle and we were thrilled.
My love story started at that very moment. I called my baby ‘Maia’ even before having a certainty she was a baby girl. She filled our hearts with delight and so much love. She was the seed of pure joy that we needed in this dark time and in the new way of existence we all created for ourselves.
During the spring equinox in 2021, in the middle of this heavenly place in nature, at a Kundalini retreat, I had been looking for some answers of where life will bring us. ‘Maia’ guided me also and after 10 years of being far from home, the home-land called on us…and so we came back. The next months were the happiest and most fulfilling months ever. To be pregnant and so close to my family, to my land… was everything I could hope for. I travelled almost every weekend into the beautiful landscapes that our country offers. I attended birthday parties, wedding anniversaries, Easter celebrations, together with all the family and in the middle of the closest friend’s circle. It was just as a happy tale, maybe it just was only that…
Maia’s room was prepared. All her clothes were washed and ironed, the maternity bag was in the car, ready to leave to the hospital. All the hypnobirthing mantras were present in any place I would step foot in, all prenatal courses were taught, everything was ready for her arrival in this big and happy family.
It was the 20th of July, I woke up agitated at around 5.22am, I didn’t feel the desire to sing her the song I sang every day, I was just led to go outside with no phone, no one around, just me and her. I walked bare-foot on the ground in the garden, watching the sunrise color the blue sky, listening to the birds chirping, and smelling the roses, one by one. I touched the green, soft leaves in the trees, sensed the warm and refreshing wind in my hair and just sat, in silence, for more than half an hour. I felt baby Maia saying her goodbyes, it was the last time I felt her kick. She brought me outside, close to nature and showed me all these simple elements in the nature we tend to pass by with no regard, very so often, in our busy lives. She told me: ‘You are alive. Live, and be present!’ What happened after, is not worth mentioning, just that she sacrificed herself for me to learn the biggest life lesson. And so, I found it in myself to choose to follow her advice and see into a brighter future. One where I plan to offer my gifts to others, as a practitioner of energy, sound and color healing. She was and will remain my inspiration for this new path I walk upon, in which I hope to be able to help as many people as possible, to make her proud.
Go with the Angels and thank you for always guiding my steps, my baby Maia!
In a follow-up article I will reveal what healing methods and rituals I used to get myself back on my feet after this tragedy, as my case is not unique and a lot of women could benefit from the tools that really supported and gave me strength to move on with my life.
Forever in our hearts.
