My Healing Journey – Part 2 – Techniques, rituals and therapies used to heal after the unfortunate event
This article in a continuation of a two-parts article presenting my healing journey between what happened before the event and what happened after, or to better express it, what kind of lifestyle I was having, what practices I was attending to and what tools and healing techniques I was accessing in order to have a balanced and a healthy life before the event and what helped me after. (To read Part 1 – Techniques, rituals and therapies used before getting pregnant and during pregnancy go here).
In this second part you will find 6 most important categories of help I turned to in order to stand back straight on my feet, to look forward with confidence and to be ready for a happy and full life, with hope and courage.
1. Self-healing
I have continued the same practices as before and during the pregnancy, but now with directed intention on the physical local pain and on letting go of whatever I needed to leave behind from this experience to be able to stand back on my feet and to look forward with optimism and hope. Read more in Part 1 about how I used Reiki energy healing and Sound healing, chanting mantras and being in constant connection with Mother Nature, to self-heal. (See Section 1. Self-healing in the Part 1 of the article)
2. Received healing – Womb healing ceremonies, womb healing massage, acupuncture, bereavement doula consultation, midwifery support and unconditional love and support from family and friends
I have participated in several womb healing ceremonies, that aimed at letting go of the emotional pain, sending lvoe to the womb, thanking your body for carrying the child and cleansing that area to get back to the original healthy state. One beautiful womb healing session was done with sound, when we directed different sounds, in parallel freeing our voices straight to the womb to rebirth it (thanks to Charli Kornblum) Another amazing and unique ceremony, also used our voices, but this time to awaken the womb wisdom. I have been initiated in this incredible path by a very beautiful light soul Wen Wei.
The womb healing massage, actually a post-natal nourishing and restorative massage was exactly what I needed at less than 2 months after the surgery. I didn’t have the courage to touch my scar before that incredibly gentle and loving massage, I am thankful for having such talented and genuine people around me, thank you Ombretta Dettori.
I have received a lot of attention and support from the midwives practice I was registered to (AmsterMAM, special thanks to my team Malou, Rianne and others). They have called me the next day after the surgery and said only the right things, I could not express my gratitude more than just going there and hugging that wonderful person.
The consultation I had with DoulaLau, a doula specialized in bereavement, brought me so much insight about myself, about my path, about how often these tragedies happen and what are the different possibilities to move on with your life… She treated me with care and love and listened to me, I felt so comfortable and at ease to share all my story with her, my fears and worries, my pain and questions. We have a saying in Romanian „buna de pus la rana”, mot-a-mot „good to cover the wound with”, but the real meaning being she was an angel sent when I needed it the most.
As acupuncture helped me during pregnancy, I searched its help after. I was lucky enough to be directed to work with this gifted and warm acupuncturist, Tui Na Therapist (Chinese Therapeutic Massage and Manual Therapy) and a Holistic Childbirth Facilitator Corinne Laan. She is working mainly with and for women, focusing on helping women that experienced pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss. Our time together was beneficial and her intervention was godlike. I am thankful to her and I am looking forward to working together in the future.
In my opinion, receiving healing is not always about receiving a specific treatment, but also about receiving the wisdom, life experience and genuine love from people you cross paths with. This happened to me with many beautiful people, but I am mentioning now these 2 amazing women – Dr. Catherine Lowry-O’Neill, university lecturer in the Education department, but as a person a gifted Tarot reader through her practice Macha Holistics, with an open and innocent heart, and Phoebe Garnsworthy, a spiritual fiction writer and a pure, selfless soul with a divine meditation voice. They have both contributed significantly to my healing journey, from holding space, listening to me and reading my cards, to offering advice, reading my life stories, encouraging and helping me follow my mission. I am forever indebted for having them in my life.
3. Getting closure – Closing the wound emotionally and allowing her soul to go in peace
In my opinion, getting closure is not the same as closing a chapter, it does not refer in any way to forgetting or erasing the memory of what happened. It is more like a cross-way that allows you to take a leap forward, to allow yourself to move on with your life, to be able to imagine how will your life look now that everything is completely different from what you expected or planned so thoroughly.
Therefore, together with my husband, and when invited in, with our family, we prepared 3 good-bye rituals for our beloved Maia.
First, on the day she would have been born, together with my husband, I collected all the physical and digital memories we gathered during the pregnancy. We went on a mountain t
op, with an unforgettable view, a view of the infinite, of pure beauty and we laid down all these memories on a little blanket. We then lit 3 candles, and we went through all these memories together, one by one. We lit the 3 candles as follows, one for her soul, and one for each of our own souls. We sang the songs we sang to her throughout the pregnancy, I re-read every page of the pregnancy diary I kept weekly, we read all the messages written by our loved ones, we looked at all the ultrasounds, her first clothes, small symbolic items, crystals and angel figurines we received before and after the unfortunate event. On a piece of paper, we both wrote what we would have said to her if she was there and we burned them as part of a fire ceremony. Finally, in the last page of the diary, instead of maternity messages from visitors, we wrote our goodbye messages. We laughed, cried, sang and yelled; we have not blocked any feeling arising. That was the day we came to terms with what happened and allowed ourselves to move on.
Second, when we brought ‘her’ home, together with the family, we organized a similar fire ritual, where we all wrote our goodbyes, sang to her and burnt the papers. We held the space for her to leave peacefully, from home, the place she was so expected by all.
Third, in the garden, somewhere in an oasis of light, we planted a cherry tree for her, as during the pregnancy she gifted me this unique gift of not being allergic to cherries. We then had a more sacred ritual, we brought along ancestral sounds from various instruments such as drums, Shruti box, monochord and our voices. It was beautiful, simple and deep.
I feel that these 3 extremely emotionally intense moments expanded my heart space, and at the same time, they created a more gentle and honorable way to say our good-byes. I truly feel she is in peace, wherever she went.
4. Keeping her story alive – I made my story heard and I kept her memory alive
No one prepares you for such an event, as a mother, as a woman, as a future father. In the same time, all those around you feel extremely clumsy in your presence. Out of a desire to help, the
ones around can reach extremes, from completely avoiding the subject, to suffocating you with thousands of inappropriate questions. For this reason, what helped me was to communicate my exact needs, whether I needed to stay alone, in a dark room, or to sit for long ‘what ifs’ discussions.
This is one of the main reasons I decided to openly talk about my story, about our story, about her story, whenever I had the opportunity to do so. I feel that because I allowed my voice to be heard, because I put this story in the world, I became liberated and progressed in my healing.
I truly hope that by the power of example, more women, more families, will eventually talk openly about such events, will reach for help and be hopeful for their futures, as individual healing leads to collective healing.
5. Mom’s support groups – I was part of the mom’s support groups
I am extremely grateful to have been guided to take part in support groups with other mothers who have been in my situation, or in situations much more painful than mine. To know that you are not alone, that you are supported and contained from afar, that there are people so open and willing to be of selfless service to ‘strangers’ that suffered the same traumas, to help you find the right tools to regain your inner power and confidence, it’s a true blessing.
I recommend from the bottom of my heart mothers or parents that went through the same tragedy, to be part of such groups.
6. Followed my mission
I found the courage to allow my light to shine and follow my life mission, of putting myself into the service of others through holding space for others and accompany them into their healing journeys, notably offering healing sessions with energy, sound and color (Go to my blog page to understand more about how I work with energy, sound and color heling).
I am thankful I was strong and wise enough to turn this painful experience into something positive. I am overjoyed that I can share with others my life teachings and I can say that everything I have experienced has raised the vibration and intensity of the healing therapies that I offer as part of my life mission, the mission to do good.
None of these practices would have worked without the unconditional love and support of family and friends. We are externally grateful that they held us in their arms, listened to our prayers, gave us space when we needed it. But we also realize how lucky we are to have a family that understands what we went through, friends who can be near us also from a distance. Not all women receive the same treatment; some are accused of the loss of their children, or criticized for showing emotions, or forced to try again when they were not ready, even banished from the family. Others are part of families who decide to close the subject, never to mention it again. To these women I send light and warmth and I plead them to seek help. I consider it is so difficult to get past this trauma alone and if your family and friends are not there, there are groups and therapists who can help in this process.
Finally, I admit I didn’t mention two elements in any of the lists below, on purpose – psychotherapy and regular physical training.
Firstly, I consider psychotherapy should be part of any adult’s weekly or bi-monthly activities. We go through so many changes, we develop, we grow, we have people come in and out of our life, we are exposed to so many situations, for which we don’t always know how to best manage. Therefore, a confident, a person that has the necessary training to support you and can be neutral, as a psychotherapist represents a big added value in your life (in my opinion). No wonder that after the surgery, the hospital management sent us a psychotherapist to talk to us together, but also individually. She was relieved to hear we both have long-standing relationships with our therapists. And so, I continued my bi-monthly sessions with my therapist Simona Preda and have no intention to change this for as long as I will exist.
Secondly, regarding regular physical training, in my opinion, to be able to regain your self-confidence and to feel good in your completely transformed body, you need to reserve time for sport. I have opted out for a personal trainer, Alexandra Radutu, to accompany me in this journey, to have a witness in my re-balancing journey, a kind person with whom I resonate, who is an expert in body-building and can help me avoid getting any injuries or unwanted complications along the way. Thus, I believe regular physical activity is as important as emotionally and mentally activity, to keep you sane and healthy.
I hope you enjoyed reading my healing journey and some of these practices I hold dear inspired something in you, from curiosity to desire to practice or to talk about them to anyone that is in need.
See you all back soon,
Love and light
Teo
Acknowledgements and thanks to:
Charli Kornblum, Wen Wei, Ombretta Dettori, Corinne Laan, AmsterMAM, DoulaLau, Phoebe Garnsworthy, Macha Holistics, Simona Preda and Alexandra Radutu
